Tuesday, May 21, 2013

a late, but wonderful valentines

February 26, 2013

Today you finally got the gift I sent for Valentine's Day- I'm such a horrible girlfriend for sending it so late. I did; however, get the things you said would be the best gifts, well except warhammer stuff- candy, socks, beef jerkey, and pajama pants.

I also pulled out the creativity that has been hiding in the back of my brain- behind all the nursing knowledge- and made you an awesome card. I was so proud of it when I got done that if you liked anything in your gift, I wanted it to be the card.

Obviously, you liked your gift too, and I think it came at a good time since work has been hard on you lately. It made my heart melt reading your message you sent me about your gift.

"At work a package came and quite frankly your home made cards are the greatest things ever. You really are just a great girlfriend and more. I honestly can not explain how much I love you and what you mean to me. I love you so much. Thank you for a wonderful Valentines."

I am glad that you appreciate the sweet things I do for you, and I definantly appreciate everything you have done and continue to do for me.

We are getting closer and closer to time for you to be home! The anticipation is killing me!

I love you honey bunny- more than I could ever say

Always, Always

Thursday, May 2, 2013

Letting go

February 18, 2013

Times are rough. As time for you gets closer, I am losing patience- since time that I have been waiting for you is increasing. I've been ready for you to be home, and I day dream of that day almost everyday.

I keep getting stuck on the same issue- Do you love me? Some days it's easy- of course you do, but others like so far today it's harder to remember all the love you have said you have for me.

I've told you words mean alot to me, but really words mean alot to me because you are thousands of miles away. You can't show your love with a hug or a kiss, you can't look into my eyes and smile, you can't hold my hand as we walk around, and most importantly you can't be around at times when I need you since time is so different and you are busy.

If there was one thing I could change in this world, it would be the fact that we are always busy- I am always thinking of what do I have to do next?

Instead, I'd like to think what do I want to do next? I'd like to close my eyes and just be for a while and let time slip away. One day, I'd like to do that with you, just be and do nothing really- have no agenda.

Today I am letting go- letting go of the issue I started before- today I choose to quit nagging you about being sweet and romantic...sure it's nice to have someone to fill your ears with sweet somethings, but I don't need you to do that. I don't need to have to ask someone to tell me all that...they need to want to do it themselves. But really what i need is to be happy with myself and thankful for everything I have.

Always, Always

You and Bjorn

February 3, 2013

Today I was thinking alot about you and Bjorn. I took him to the field to play while I studied, but after, I walked around with him and just admired him for a while. I have only had him for a few months, and he has grown so much not just in size (he has pretty much doubled in size), but also in how smart he is.

He has been house trained, he knows how to come, he knows when it's time for bed, he raises his legs for me to put on his harness, he knows when he is in trouble, and I swear he knows what I am saying most of the time.

I wish you were here because you are missing out on some of this, but I know when you get here you will grow close to him and will love him as much or more than I do (if that is possible). I can't wait for you to be with us at the field to play- we can really feel like a family then.

I feel like Bjorn our child, and I think if ever we do have kids and if for some reason you are gone with the military, all of this experience with Bjorn will make it somewhat easier because I will almost know what it is like.

I love you Todd and am thrilled for our future together- there are so many good things in store for us. I am so happy I am going to be able to share those things with you.

Always, Always

Tuesday, April 23, 2013

love and happiness

February 2, 2013

It has been a very long time since I have written in here- I have either been busy with school or just didn't have anything I wanted to write about.

It seems like things have been a battle between us- like we both have a lot going on and are stressed, but also our communication has been hard. We have been fighting and it has really hurt sometimes- what makes it so bad is you are so far and we can't see each other. I imagine/hope things would either be worked out quicker or we would not even get into half of the arguments that we do if we were together.

May can't get here soon enough

Today started off as one of our disagreements about facebook- even though you started off my facebook postings as being a "punishment" at least you did do them and well I think it made us better.

You showed me that you do feel and think some of the ways that I do and maybe it helped you think more about taking me for granted and that you should show me more that you love me.

It's hard being away because instead of being able to show me with hugs and kisses and what not, you have to show me with words- I think that is hard for both of us...especially you.

For me it's remembering that you love me whether you say something nice to me or not each day and for you it's thinking that I will remember like you do and that I'll always be fine without sweet words.

Like you said on facebook "Something so small can affect your day to no end"- words from you affect my day very much
- a good morning from you helps me wake up and want to get out of bed
- a good night helps me end my day on a good note thinking of you and imagining the day you are here to cuddle with me as we fall asleep
- and a I love you fills my heart and soul with an emotion that can not be described except for that it is a love and happiness that you give me

Always, Always

that is all

January 8, 2013

Today was my orientation for my last semester of nursing school- as I looked at the calendar, I smiled because I know that that is all that is keeping you away from me.

Just four months to go, and I know they will fly by quick and you will finally be here by my side. Just 56 days of school and then I graduate and then my present, the best present, arrives.

Alot of times I have the words to express how much you mean to me, but I know that day I won't- I'll be too emotional to come up with words. I'll feel too much to be able to talk.

I'm sure there will be tears, smiles, hugs, kisses, and laughter.

Its a dream I dream very often, well day dream at least. It is a day that I wish days away to be at now. I love you Todd with all my heart and I always will.

Always, Always

Monday, March 25, 2013

imagination and reality

January 4, 2013

Love's Coming  by: Ella Wheeler Wilcox

She had looked for his coming as warriors come,
with the clash of arms and the bugle's call;
But he came instead with as stealthy tread,
Which she did not hear at all

She had thought how his armor would blaze in the sun,
As he rode like a prince to claim his bride:
In the sweet dim light of the falling night
She found him at her side.

She had dreamed how the gaze of his strange, bold eye
Would wake her heart to a sudden glow:
She found in his face the familiar grace
Of a friend she used to know.

She had dreamed how his coming would stir her soul,
As the ocean is stirred by the wild storm's strife:
He brought her the balm of a heavenly calm,
And a peace which crowned her life.

I was looking at blogs like I usually do each day- one had a poem on it ( a love poem), so I read it and it made me want to read more love poems. I googled some and came across this one.

I thought of you and thought it was perfect. I am very glad you liked it too. To me, it is how we imagine what it will be like to meet "the one" and usually it is not at all what we imagine.

You came as a surprise to me- I didn't know if you would want to even talk to me when I messaged you on facebook- then even more of a surprise when you asked me on a date (finally) and well look at us now.

Then you did come at night- to me night meaning a sad time- a time when I really needed you and there you were making me smile again, bigger than ever even.

And of course you were always a friend of mine and a familiar face- right under my nose the whole time.

I know I get mad at you and fight with you, but that is in any relationship- so it may not always seem like you have brought a calm and peace to my life but you really have; you have and will give me the life I have always dreamed of- a wonderful man to love and to love me back, a family one day, a marriage that lasts a lifetime, a person I can trust and don't have to worry about hurting me with their lack of heart ( because you have one of the biggest ones I've seen in a man besides my daddy and my pawpaw) and I'm sure much more.

I hope to give you everything you dream of

Always, Always

ps. This is one of my favorite entries, and I was hoping to get to it before you go off to Korea. I absolutely love this poem.

I live you

January 2, 2013

I know I sent this to you in a message because you asked for something sweet, but I was thinking of writing about it in here first.

Almost every time I type "I love you" in my phone to you, it types "I live you" instead- both are true. I do of course love you very much, but as weird as it may sound I live you as well. Meaning that I think of you all the time- I wake up and wonder how you are or if you have messaged me.

And back during school, you helped me wake up in the morning because I would get excited to talk to you since you would be off work and still awake. (Now Bjorn wakes me because he will need to go outside).

When I sleep, I hope for sweet dreams about you, and I think of the day when you will be sleeping next to me holding me in your arms.

I want nothing more to live with you in person and not just live you.

Always, Always

Tuesday, March 19, 2013


December 28, 2012

Todd, I don't think you know how much you have helped me, how much you have changed my life.

After Stuart and I split, I thought that was the end of me. I thought why am I going to school; what is the point now? I thought I would never be happy again. I thought no one would ever love me, and I would never love anyone either- that there was no such thing as being happy forever with someone.

But you- you have changed all of that. You give me hope, you have made me love again. But you were always there- the guy I should have been with, but was too dumb to realize it until after I was married to the wrong guy.

Stuart never really loved me, but you always did. Honestly, Todd, I always loved you too; I just never admitted it or told you I did.

P.S. I was a dummy

Always, Always

after christmas

December 27, 2012

Well now Christmas is over, and I am back home. I am ready for us to spend Christmas together; I am sure you are too. I am thankful that we did get to skype alot though.

I am so happy when I get to talk to you- I know sometimes I don't show it enough especially when I am fighting with you about you not talking to me enough. I am sorry that I give you a hard time about that- I am an attention seeker (and giver).

You have really been trying hard these past few days to talk more, and I appreciate it  more than you know. It makes me feel loved, but also it helps us to get to know each other even more. I like learning new things about you- it makes me love you more and more.

I know Christmas is not about the presents, it's about getting to spend time with the people you love- I got to spend time with some of the people I love, but something was missing- I wasn't as happy as I usually would be during the holidays. I don't really know why that was, but I do know for sure you were what was missing.

When I opened my present from you (my heart necklace), I liked it very much- but when you told me that you got it because it's your birthstone and so I could carry you with me, it became even more important to me because it had more meaning than any present I have gotten ever.

I don't expect or want anyone to spend alot of money on me for a gift, but I just want something thoughtful- something that means something special.

And that is why I am writing this for you- for you to have somethign special from me. The pictures that I put in the frame I got you for Christmas are somewhat special. I see that picture of me and you, that you framed for me as a present, sitting on my desk all the time, and I think of you. Now you can see what I see except you got a few more pictures added in there too.

Only 132 days till I can be the happiest girl in the world.

Always, Always

Monday, March 18, 2013

be happy

December 21, 2012

Today I am worrying about you- you said you are going to seek help for depression- I want so much to make you completely happy with life, to take away all the sadness. If I could carry it for you, I would.

But since I can't, the only thing I can do is be here for you. I will always be here for you, Todd, whatever it is. You said you wanted me to love you and not get mad.

Well, I fall in love with you more and more each day and then am surprised that that is possible- to love you more than I already do.

And as for being mad- I am working on not getting mad especially for little things and especially while you are there and not here in person. I need to learn the right way to get mad about something and learn to let go of things.

I never want to become the naggy girlfriend or one day wife. I want to be someone you are proud of, someone that you only can say good things about.

I hope that counseling helps you work through some of the things that are bothering you so that you can feel better. I know that having someone to listen without judgement/bias and come up with suggestions of ways to help yourself feel better has helped me in the past- I just want you to be happy.

Always, Always


December 19, 2012

I have always thought of myself as a good person compared to alot of other people. Yes, I have done things I am by no means proud of and I am sure there will be things in the future that I do that I won't be proud of. But something I think sets me apart from other people is my conscience or well maybe my big "heart".

I genuinely care about others and want them to be happy. I never want to be "mean" to anyone on purpose even if I think they are a mean person. The only other person in this world that I think has a better "heart" than me is you.

I see a sweetness in you under all of that sarcasm that is hard to describe. I am proud that you would choose me to be your girlfriend. You make me a better person- someone I like.

I see all these people around me that do drugs or drink alot and I hate it. Why would they need to escape like that? Life isn't that bad, is it?

I don't think you know how glad/proud/relieved I am that you don't do drugs or drink very often, and I don't have to worry about any of that with you- that your way of escaping is like mine- go to the movies, hangout with a friend, I don't know anything that we like to do for fun.

You have made me happy again,Todd, something I didn't think I would ever be.

Always, Always

Sunday, March 17, 2013

moment to know love

December 18, 2012

About a week or two ago, I asked my roommates if there was a day/moment that they knew that they loved each other. Both of them said that they just started hanging out alot and over time they knew.

Well, I asked you the same question and was surprised that you said you knew you loved me at the military ball our senior year of high school. That was about five or so years ago. I came up to you at the ball and started talking to you and somehow it made your night. Had you asked me to dance, I would have said yes.

It's crazy to think that you have loved me that long, and I just let you go-that I didn't see that. I should have grabbed you up quick.

I waited freaking five years before I was ready- ready for an amazing man like you.

I knew I loved you as a friend, since we all started going out for lunch senior year everyday after school. You were the sweet, goofy, nerd that you still are today, but less scraggly (the Marines cleaned you up). You were Todd and there is really no other way to describe you.

And that chuckle of yours that I love so much- you used to do it all the time back then too.

I knew I loved you on August 25, 2012- I know, finally right? It was the day we started talking everyday and the day I made up in my mind that you were the man for me.

Todd, I will always love you with all of me- you have changed my life so much already and I am looking forward to many years of being happy with you.

Always, Always

Your mom

December 16, 2012

Today, I went to meet your mom with Bjorn too of course. She loved him- it was different than I thought it would be. You make her seem like more of a cold/mean lady, but she was not like that at all.

She was very nice and somewhat shy-kinda like me I think. They say the person you end up falling in love with is like your mom if you are a guy and well I think maybe that is true.

She gave Bjorn some Christmas presents, and he helped me open them- he loved them of course- a new toy and some bones to chew on. She also got me some presents, which I will be waiting to open later :) I guess maybe that means she likes me- and I know she likes our sweet puppy Bjorn.She also called herself Bjorn's grandma-so that is a good thing.

Chipper, your cat, wasn't very interested in Bjorn- as expected- but he didn't seem to hate him at least. Your mom would bring Chipper over by Bjorn, and he would stay about a minute in her arms and then go away where he could watch us from a distance.

I am hoping we got some good pictures- Leanne came over and took some of Bjorn.

Also your mom was showing me some pictures of your husky Wolf, and I saw some pictures of you in Kindergarten...Well, guess what! I was in your class and there are a few pictures of me in there too- it was so cool to see that.

Always, Always

Saturday, March 9, 2013

phone calls

December 12, 2012

So today you got to call me since you were watching the phones-it's weird sometimes how you can change a so-so day into an amazing one. I can't help but smile after getting to talk to you on the phone.

I sent your mom another message on facebook about meeting sometime during my break- since you said something about it. I'm kinda scared to meet her without you there- she kinda intimidates me. I guess since I haven't really talked to her before.

I know this is random, but I love it when you do that cute chuckle of yours- you kept doing it on the phone.

I hope you passed the field day stuff- you need a break, and I need to see your face.

Always, Always

Tuesday, March 5, 2013


December 9, 2012

Today, I learned a very valuable lesson- that there are still some things that I need to work on, to change about myself. I knew that I get mad easy and alot of times it was about dumb stuff, but I didn't know I would be that way to you- someone who never deserves for me to be that way to.

I know I already told you, but I am sorry for being mean. I wanted to kick myself after I hung up on you from skype. And even after I said I was sorry I still couldn't quit thinking of how dumb I was.

You have been working so much and you are so far away, how could I be so selfish that I would get mad for you being tired. I don't want to ever do anything to hurt our relationship.

I love you more than you will probably ever know. and I wish more than anything that I would have realized this years ago. Maybe then, this wait for you to come home would have been a little easier- I could of had more time with you before. But enough about the past- the present is looking good and the future is even brighter.

So I am ready for you to get your Christmas package; I sent it Monday, so maybe in another week or so you will get it! I think this is the first Christmas that I have no idea what I am getting, which is very exciting- but honestly just to be able to talk to you would be the best present.

Always, Always

Friday, March 1, 2013

evening star

November 28, 2012

Days are long and nights are cold, the rivers run
I'm swept away down distant paths, the road goes on
From the halls of the free to the tower of torment
Where treasures lie in mountains high
The silent fields of stars so far and wide
The oceans of infinity, the great divide
In the heavens on high is a light so lonely
The evening star that shines so far

When home is far behind and ever the long roads wind
I keep your memory in my mind, one day I'll repay in kind
For so long as I've gone and so far I've wandered
The evening star has shown thus far

River rushing, waters wide, just north of there
Oh that I was home again and home was here
And the fire was warm and the wind would whisper
You're home again, on roofs the rain

Evening star by: tyr

--It is sweet of you to put me in your facebook status- that you have been thinking about me. I had a smile from ear to ear when I saw that, and I feel special/lucky that you would think of me as your evening star.

Always, Always


November 27, 2012

You surprise me sometimes- you show me little pieces of yourself almost everyday and no, I'm not talking about when you are trying to be funny and joking around. I'm talking about your serious side. Although, I do love it when you make me laugh, it is your caring heart that makes me love you more.

I respect you, and I think that is something special. It's not the kind of respect that I have for others that is a result of me being able to appreciate them for being different- like one of my teachers at school. She can be mean or come off that way becasue she is sarcastic to people and kinda has a good way of making them feel dumb.

Well, I have respect for her because first of all, I think it's kinda funny when she does that except when she does it directly to me, but other people in the class hate her. I see past all that and see that she is one of the smartest teachers.

But, you, it's not having to see past things, it's admiring you for you. Today, you were talking about your father and how you are trying to put him as one of your dependents so that you can help him be able to go to the doctor (if he will go) to get help for his memory problems. You have the biggest heart out of everyone I know (besides myself, I think we are pretty tied).

I also think it makes me admire you when you talk about doing the colours- The way you have so much honor in doing it.

Always, Always

Tuesday, February 26, 2013

Soul Weary

November 26, 2012

Today you told me you are tired, soul weary tired. I wish I could be there with you and just hug you and hopefully take all that away. It's so hard to not be able to do that.

It's harder to find the right words to type to you- the only thing I can say is that I am here and I care. It's just not enough to me. I hope that for now, while we are apart, it is enough for you.

You said today that you love me more than you ever knew you could- I have to say that is one of the best things you have said to me so far. I feel the same.

I never knew we could be so in love and happy as a couple. I never knew that I was going to find someone that could make me finally know for sure that they do love me-and the thing is you aren't even back home yet, you have done this through facebook, kakao, skype, and old memories.

You are some talented person- like I always say, I can't wait till you are here because I have seen what it is like over facebook, kakao, and skype- with you here it will be way better. What about you, do you know that I love you?

Always, Always

ps. I hope that answer was a yes; however, if not, I am going to bug you and drown you with my love until it is a yes

before bed

November 23, 2012

I asked you to make me a voice note that I can listen to before bed if I miss you. I am glad you did it for me- you sure know how to make a girl happy.

The part where you say one day you will be here with me is my favorite part. I can't wait till you are here with me finally.

I am hoping you won't be able to keep your hands off of me. Not only do I like a lot of sweet words, but I love to be held and kissed and these are especially good if they are out of the blue.

I know I won't be able to keep my hands off of you- I hope you don't mind. I love you very much

Always, Always

Monday, February 25, 2013

voice notes

November 22, 2012

Today is Thanksgiving, and what did I wake up to?? Your sweet voice notes! It is hard to believe that you will always love me and that you have already loved me for so long.

At first, I had no idea what Tara said to you that you were talking about in the voice notes. Later, you told me she said that she gives us till next Christmas for wedding plans. It makes me more than happy to hear that not only you, but someone close to you is already thinking about me and you getting married one day. Honestly, I want nothing but to be with you, but on the other hand, I am scared to get too excited about getting married.

I know with my first marriage I feel like I pretty much made him get married. I was the one that started talking to him about it, and he never really gave me a proposal. Basically, I was talking to him about wanting to get married, and he asked then, but there was no thought by him put into it. I think that is one of the biggest things that made me question if he loved me.

Well, with you, I am trying not to show you that I am excited about marrying. Secretly I have already been pinning things on a board on pinterest of ideas about our future wedding :/

Each day I think of you and can't help but to fall more and more in love with you- I hope this is happening to you too.

And we will have tattoos that are somewhat matching- Bjorn pawprints- it will go great with the tattoos you already have.

Always, Always


November 20, 2012

It's been a while since I have written, but I have been busy with school and our sweet baby puppy. Since I've gotten Bjorn, I hang out in the living room with him and my roommates are in there too, so I'm not going to write out there- I need it to be quiet to think.

Tonight, I went to see your family. Of course, they all loved Bjorn, and they seemed to like my peppermint bark that I made for them as well.

At first, Tara stopped and talked to me. And we tried to skype you, but it wasn't working very well. Later, she was all over the place, so I kinda had to walk around and find something to do. I felt out of place, but then I got to talk to Leighton, your step brother, and some of the band members too.

Leighton told me some stories about you. He told me that you used to talk to Tara about me back around high school. He also told me the story of when you got poison ivy or oak which ever it was. Leighton kept saying "I hope Todd doesn't get mad at me for telling you all this" and "I hope you don't think badly of Todd." I told him at first that I wanted to know everything about you. Then, later I said that I am in love with you, so that is why I want to know and that you shouldn't be mad about that.

I guess it was a really good thing that Tara was so busy because that gave me some time with them and not always just with her.

I guess I made a pretty good impression, since Leighton told you that I am cool and to treat me right. I am hoping to keep making a good impression.

Always, Always

Saturday, February 23, 2013


Novemeber 8, 2012

Today was intense to say the least. We had to wait and find out if we were going to be able to adopt Bjorn. I was so happy/excited when my roommate (who works at an animal shelter) called to say we got him.

 I know he will be a gread dog for you to have, and I can't wait for you to see him in person. Until then, he will be great for me because he can keep me busy while you are busy, and I won't get so lonely.

It surprised me to see you posting pictures and your status on facebook- you called him ours and said your family was growing. It made me feel very special; closer to you because we have something together.

 As I write this, he is eating his bone and laying on his big comfy bed. I am already working on spoiling him.

I don't think I could say this enough, but I am so thrilled that we are together. You have always been the perfect guy for me. I can't wait till you come home, so we really can start our adventure together and now also with Bjorn. I love you so very much Todd

Always, Always



November 7, 2012

Today, I went to go visit Tara, your step mom. You dared me to, so I had to go. It's been years since I have seen her.

My heart was pounding as I ordered our coffee to take to her  (because you told me to take coffee to her), and I could barely tell the lady what I wanted to order. I was very nervous- can you tell?

I just wanted her to well 1st be home and 2nd know who I was/recognize me and 3rd and most important like me. I think I got all those, or at least the 3rd one is an ongoing hope.

We talked alot about you. She said how she was glad we are together, and she couldn't wait to see us together when you are home.

I loved hearing her call you Toddy; it's very cute. It's so different hearing someone else talking about you; hearing someone else's point of view.

 I could tell she really cares about you and not only wants what is best for you but also wants you to have the things you want. I can't believe that one day she might be my mother-in-law. That I am 100% ok with. She is such a nice person.

Another thing that is different is hearing someone besides you talk about how in love with me you were back around high school. I may not have seen it back then (probably was the only one who didn't), but now I never want us to stop loving each other. Promise me forever.

Always, Always

Friday, February 22, 2013

does that make me crazy

November 4, 2012

Sometimes having you all the way across the world and me here gets hard. Your busy, and I'm busy, and well, sometimes I'm not that busy. I start being like a crazy girl and thinking way too much. I send you way too many messages, and sometimes they don't get answered. And then, my feelings are hurt.

I need to quit driving myself crazy and just take things slow- you know? Like get my feet wet, but it feels like I've done jumped all the way in the pool.

I am a perfectionist. That is probably why I am so serious because I am trying to make everything just so. I am sorry I am so difficult.

I am hoping that you will still love me even after you are here, and I have a chance to show you how I really am in relationships and not just in a friendship.

Well, I guess something that is good is that you don't have to worry about me not loving you because, if you decide you do want to be with me, I will love the shit outta you until and if you decide you don't.

You have been such a great boyfriend, and I mess things up by thinking too much, making things complicated, and not just being patient.

I forget things and need to be reminded; I hope you don't mind reminding me. - this was a hard day, I was sad and just couldn't seem to not be sad.

Always, Always

promise me

October 31, 2012

Life, it's not always promised- it never turns out the way you think it will.

I thought I had what I needed or I wanted to forget bad thing and be naive when it came to my marriage. I didn't know at the time that that was not what I needed- that what I needed was there, and I didn't see it.

I was too busy thinking about life and how to me it was promised- that dreams of marriage and having a family could be like a fairy tale. You get married, then have kids, and live in the house with the white picket fence and things are perfect...

But no that's not it- Life is messy or it can be, and when all the pieces are scattered on the ground, there is someone that helps you pick all of them back up.

 Even through life's messiness and the fact that it isn't a fairy tale- you still have to be the person to take a chance, to be happy. I think we both have been taking chances- chances for each other.

No, I don't want to be promised marriage or a family or the house with a white picket fence- I just want to be promised you- Perfect or not, that is how I will be happy.

P.S. I love you very much

Always, Always

Wednesday, February 20, 2013

One day

October 30, 2012

Well it's Halloween there, and I know you love Halloween. We will have to go all out for Halloween when you are here.

I think today I will actually talk about today. I woke up really early this morning to talk to you since I didn't have school. I love it when we get to skype. I can hear your voice and see your face. It's almost like you are here.

I told you about watching those videos about people meeting someone in the airport, and then it led to me watching proposals in the airport. You joked about how you were going to ask me- then you even asked me to marry you (also joking). I just shook my head no, but I didn't mean no.

One day I do want to marry you. You are the guy I want to be with; you are perfect. I just want the time to be right and now isn't the right time. I mean we haven't even gone on our first real date :)
but who knows, you maybe right, that alot can change in 7 months, which is about how long we have till you are finally back home.

I think I'll hold it against you that we have to go to Disney World together first like you said. And as for me telling you that I won't meet you at the airport (using that as punishment/payback)- I would NEVER really do that- I don't want to miss it for the world. I love you so much

Always, Always

Godfather to Father

October 22, 2012

On September 7th, you told me "At least now I won't be the godfather, I'll be the father." Since before we were only friends, and you always liked to say you would be the godfather if I ever had kids.

I would love for you to be the father. There is no one else I could ever think of that would be a better father to my children (our children).

Since then you have brought up the topic of names, which I thought was different for a guy to do, but I mean you are different anyway (in a good way of course). You have told me a few times how your family names their children with names that start with T. There aren't a whole lot of T girl names that I like and well you know I'm kinda stuck on the name Norah for a girl anyway.

I decided to make a deal with you and let you name our first child if it's a boy and me name it if it's a girl. Then, if we have a second child, which I'm hoping for two, then whoever didn't name before gets to name it.

Either way, when it comes down to it- I really just care about being with you and being able to have kids with you one day.

Oh yeah and I gotta add in that I'll hopefully be the ones to dress our kids to prevent you from putting our possible future son in crazy clothes like you said you would.

Always, Always
<a href="http://www.bloglovin.com/blog/4810801/?claim=92ybh9wgu49">Follow my blog with Bloglovin</a>

Tuesday, February 19, 2013

A very good day indeed

October 18, 2012

So September 6th, yeah that was a very good day indeed- We talked a lot that day over facebook. I think that was really the first day you started making life plans with me. You asked me what I wanted for the future as in a family.

We both told each other that we were "kinda a big deal" to each other, as lame as that may sound. (A while back I was looking for a tee shirt that said I'm kind of a big deal for you- maybe I'll get you one someday, I know you like to wear tee shirts like that.)

This was the day I found out all the old feelings you had for me years ago were still there and just hearing that made my day, but I didn't know that was just the start. Apparently, we both have goofy smiles we do when we are reading sweet things the other wrote.

At first, you told me you love me by saying "I can love you from any corner of the world"- I didn't say it back right then, I guess because it wasn't direct (although I did feel that way too).

Then, you told me again- "I love you silly little girl." I focused on you saying I was "silly" and "a little girl"- man I'm bad at being romantic and sweet sometimes.

But later, you surprised me, you proved even further how perfect you are by giving me the best answer to how I deserve you to forgive me for being crappy to you in the past. You said "I don't need a rhyme or a reason, I love you and I care about you more than anything- I did before, I do, and I will." Finally, I told you back how I was feeling, that I love you too.

And that day I got my beautiful roses too- first time I have ever gotten flowers just because.

You told me you would fix my nightmares, and I give you all the credit now- I may still have those nightmares every once in a while, but they don't scare me anymore.

I love you more and more each day- September 6th was definantly only the beginning of me telling you that.

Always, Always

Monday, February 18, 2013

A day to remember

October 17, 2012

August 31, 2012- that is a day to remember. You scared me to death! You told me "here's the hard part though and I'm not really sure how to say it." I had all kinds of crazy things going through my mind. Thought it was some kind of bad news especially when I asked if I wanted to know and you simply said "maybe."

 August 31, the day you asked me on a fancy date :) Did you think I would say NO?? I was so very happy to see that that was what you wanted to tell me; I'm sure I had a big ol goofy grin at the computer screen- and in my mind I jumped for joy.

I'm ready for that fancy date now, but according to my counting, there is still about 207 days till you come home. Those are a lot of days. Well, I guess at least I can learn a little patience out of all this.

I think about you everyday and miss you too even though we talk everyday through messages. I can't wait to see you, maybe I can write in this blog for you so that you can have a piece of me while you are there.

I have it all planned out for when I see you in the airport- the first time I'll see you in person in a very long time- I'll touch your face, then hug, then kiss- along with lots of smiling and maybe even some tears in my eyes too. Then, I'm hoping you will say some sweet words, and we can go home happily ever after <3

A girl can dream right?

Always, Always

It's a start

October 16, 2012

I think for the first little while in here I'll be going back in time; maybe someday I'll catch up to the day it really is. I am writing this blog for you and me, in hopes to fill it with our life together. Did you know that you make my heart melt? Ah, just checking.

So, August 25, 2012- that is the day we started talking on facebook back and forth. I saw that your name was on my chat list-that lovely green dot appeared- and it had been a while since we talked. I needed a friend, a good friend like you to talk to. I think it was perfect timing; you actually talked back. You told me to "come move to Norway with me where it's cold all year, but the view is breathtaking." Had you really meant it, that you were leaving that day, I would have packed up and left with you then. Maybe one day we can end up there together, but honestly anywhere with you would be amazing.

I think, since that day (August 25), we have talked pretty much everyday. It's weird sometimes- thinking how one person can change my life so much and this is just the beginning. I don't know if I told you, but I think pretty much after the first day talking to you again, I already had it made up in my mind that you were the guy I wanted, the perfect one.

Always, Always