Tuesday, February 26, 2013

Soul Weary

November 26, 2012

Today you told me you are tired, soul weary tired. I wish I could be there with you and just hug you and hopefully take all that away. It's so hard to not be able to do that.

It's harder to find the right words to type to you- the only thing I can say is that I am here and I care. It's just not enough to me. I hope that for now, while we are apart, it is enough for you.

You said today that you love me more than you ever knew you could- I have to say that is one of the best things you have said to me so far. I feel the same.

I never knew we could be so in love and happy as a couple. I never knew that I was going to find someone that could make me finally know for sure that they do love me-and the thing is you aren't even back home yet, you have done this through facebook, kakao, skype, and old memories.

You are some talented person- like I always say, I can't wait till you are here because I have seen what it is like over facebook, kakao, and skype- with you here it will be way better. What about you, do you know that I love you?

Always, Always

ps. I hope that answer was a yes; however, if not, I am going to bug you and drown you with my love until it is a yes

before bed

November 23, 2012

I asked you to make me a voice note that I can listen to before bed if I miss you. I am glad you did it for me- you sure know how to make a girl happy.

The part where you say one day you will be here with me is my favorite part. I can't wait till you are here with me finally.

I am hoping you won't be able to keep your hands off of me. Not only do I like a lot of sweet words, but I love to be held and kissed and these are especially good if they are out of the blue.

I know I won't be able to keep my hands off of you- I hope you don't mind. I love you very much

Always, Always

Monday, February 25, 2013

voice notes

November 22, 2012

Today is Thanksgiving, and what did I wake up to?? Your sweet voice notes! It is hard to believe that you will always love me and that you have already loved me for so long.

At first, I had no idea what Tara said to you that you were talking about in the voice notes. Later, you told me she said that she gives us till next Christmas for wedding plans. It makes me more than happy to hear that not only you, but someone close to you is already thinking about me and you getting married one day. Honestly, I want nothing but to be with you, but on the other hand, I am scared to get too excited about getting married.

I know with my first marriage I feel like I pretty much made him get married. I was the one that started talking to him about it, and he never really gave me a proposal. Basically, I was talking to him about wanting to get married, and he asked then, but there was no thought by him put into it. I think that is one of the biggest things that made me question if he loved me.

Well, with you, I am trying not to show you that I am excited about marrying. Secretly I have already been pinning things on a board on pinterest of ideas about our future wedding :/

Each day I think of you and can't help but to fall more and more in love with you- I hope this is happening to you too.

And we will have tattoos that are somewhat matching- Bjorn pawprints- it will go great with the tattoos you already have.

Always, Always


November 20, 2012

It's been a while since I have written, but I have been busy with school and our sweet baby puppy. Since I've gotten Bjorn, I hang out in the living room with him and my roommates are in there too, so I'm not going to write out there- I need it to be quiet to think.

Tonight, I went to see your family. Of course, they all loved Bjorn, and they seemed to like my peppermint bark that I made for them as well.

At first, Tara stopped and talked to me. And we tried to skype you, but it wasn't working very well. Later, she was all over the place, so I kinda had to walk around and find something to do. I felt out of place, but then I got to talk to Leighton, your step brother, and some of the band members too.

Leighton told me some stories about you. He told me that you used to talk to Tara about me back around high school. He also told me the story of when you got poison ivy or oak which ever it was. Leighton kept saying "I hope Todd doesn't get mad at me for telling you all this" and "I hope you don't think badly of Todd." I told him at first that I wanted to know everything about you. Then, later I said that I am in love with you, so that is why I want to know and that you shouldn't be mad about that.

I guess it was a really good thing that Tara was so busy because that gave me some time with them and not always just with her.

I guess I made a pretty good impression, since Leighton told you that I am cool and to treat me right. I am hoping to keep making a good impression.

Always, Always

Saturday, February 23, 2013


Novemeber 8, 2012

Today was intense to say the least. We had to wait and find out if we were going to be able to adopt Bjorn. I was so happy/excited when my roommate (who works at an animal shelter) called to say we got him.

 I know he will be a gread dog for you to have, and I can't wait for you to see him in person. Until then, he will be great for me because he can keep me busy while you are busy, and I won't get so lonely.

It surprised me to see you posting pictures and your status on facebook- you called him ours and said your family was growing. It made me feel very special; closer to you because we have something together.

 As I write this, he is eating his bone and laying on his big comfy bed. I am already working on spoiling him.

I don't think I could say this enough, but I am so thrilled that we are together. You have always been the perfect guy for me. I can't wait till you come home, so we really can start our adventure together and now also with Bjorn. I love you so very much Todd

Always, Always



November 7, 2012

Today, I went to go visit Tara, your step mom. You dared me to, so I had to go. It's been years since I have seen her.

My heart was pounding as I ordered our coffee to take to her  (because you told me to take coffee to her), and I could barely tell the lady what I wanted to order. I was very nervous- can you tell?

I just wanted her to well 1st be home and 2nd know who I was/recognize me and 3rd and most important like me. I think I got all those, or at least the 3rd one is an ongoing hope.

We talked alot about you. She said how she was glad we are together, and she couldn't wait to see us together when you are home.

I loved hearing her call you Toddy; it's very cute. It's so different hearing someone else talking about you; hearing someone else's point of view.

 I could tell she really cares about you and not only wants what is best for you but also wants you to have the things you want. I can't believe that one day she might be my mother-in-law. That I am 100% ok with. She is such a nice person.

Another thing that is different is hearing someone besides you talk about how in love with me you were back around high school. I may not have seen it back then (probably was the only one who didn't), but now I never want us to stop loving each other. Promise me forever.

Always, Always

Friday, February 22, 2013

does that make me crazy

November 4, 2012

Sometimes having you all the way across the world and me here gets hard. Your busy, and I'm busy, and well, sometimes I'm not that busy. I start being like a crazy girl and thinking way too much. I send you way too many messages, and sometimes they don't get answered. And then, my feelings are hurt.

I need to quit driving myself crazy and just take things slow- you know? Like get my feet wet, but it feels like I've done jumped all the way in the pool.

I am a perfectionist. That is probably why I am so serious because I am trying to make everything just so. I am sorry I am so difficult.

I am hoping that you will still love me even after you are here, and I have a chance to show you how I really am in relationships and not just in a friendship.

Well, I guess something that is good is that you don't have to worry about me not loving you because, if you decide you do want to be with me, I will love the shit outta you until and if you decide you don't.

You have been such a great boyfriend, and I mess things up by thinking too much, making things complicated, and not just being patient.

I forget things and need to be reminded; I hope you don't mind reminding me. - this was a hard day, I was sad and just couldn't seem to not be sad.

Always, Always

promise me

October 31, 2012

Life, it's not always promised- it never turns out the way you think it will.

I thought I had what I needed or I wanted to forget bad thing and be naive when it came to my marriage. I didn't know at the time that that was not what I needed- that what I needed was there, and I didn't see it.

I was too busy thinking about life and how to me it was promised- that dreams of marriage and having a family could be like a fairy tale. You get married, then have kids, and live in the house with the white picket fence and things are perfect...

But no that's not it- Life is messy or it can be, and when all the pieces are scattered on the ground, there is someone that helps you pick all of them back up.

 Even through life's messiness and the fact that it isn't a fairy tale- you still have to be the person to take a chance, to be happy. I think we both have been taking chances- chances for each other.

No, I don't want to be promised marriage or a family or the house with a white picket fence- I just want to be promised you- Perfect or not, that is how I will be happy.

P.S. I love you very much

Always, Always

Wednesday, February 20, 2013

One day

October 30, 2012

Well it's Halloween there, and I know you love Halloween. We will have to go all out for Halloween when you are here.

I think today I will actually talk about today. I woke up really early this morning to talk to you since I didn't have school. I love it when we get to skype. I can hear your voice and see your face. It's almost like you are here.

I told you about watching those videos about people meeting someone in the airport, and then it led to me watching proposals in the airport. You joked about how you were going to ask me- then you even asked me to marry you (also joking). I just shook my head no, but I didn't mean no.

One day I do want to marry you. You are the guy I want to be with; you are perfect. I just want the time to be right and now isn't the right time. I mean we haven't even gone on our first real date :)
but who knows, you maybe right, that alot can change in 7 months, which is about how long we have till you are finally back home.

I think I'll hold it against you that we have to go to Disney World together first like you said. And as for me telling you that I won't meet you at the airport (using that as punishment/payback)- I would NEVER really do that- I don't want to miss it for the world. I love you so much

Always, Always

Godfather to Father

October 22, 2012

On September 7th, you told me "At least now I won't be the godfather, I'll be the father." Since before we were only friends, and you always liked to say you would be the godfather if I ever had kids.

I would love for you to be the father. There is no one else I could ever think of that would be a better father to my children (our children).

Since then you have brought up the topic of names, which I thought was different for a guy to do, but I mean you are different anyway (in a good way of course). You have told me a few times how your family names their children with names that start with T. There aren't a whole lot of T girl names that I like and well you know I'm kinda stuck on the name Norah for a girl anyway.

I decided to make a deal with you and let you name our first child if it's a boy and me name it if it's a girl. Then, if we have a second child, which I'm hoping for two, then whoever didn't name before gets to name it.

Either way, when it comes down to it- I really just care about being with you and being able to have kids with you one day.

Oh yeah and I gotta add in that I'll hopefully be the ones to dress our kids to prevent you from putting our possible future son in crazy clothes like you said you would.

Always, Always
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Tuesday, February 19, 2013

A very good day indeed

October 18, 2012

So September 6th, yeah that was a very good day indeed- We talked a lot that day over facebook. I think that was really the first day you started making life plans with me. You asked me what I wanted for the future as in a family.

We both told each other that we were "kinda a big deal" to each other, as lame as that may sound. (A while back I was looking for a tee shirt that said I'm kind of a big deal for you- maybe I'll get you one someday, I know you like to wear tee shirts like that.)

This was the day I found out all the old feelings you had for me years ago were still there and just hearing that made my day, but I didn't know that was just the start. Apparently, we both have goofy smiles we do when we are reading sweet things the other wrote.

At first, you told me you love me by saying "I can love you from any corner of the world"- I didn't say it back right then, I guess because it wasn't direct (although I did feel that way too).

Then, you told me again- "I love you silly little girl." I focused on you saying I was "silly" and "a little girl"- man I'm bad at being romantic and sweet sometimes.

But later, you surprised me, you proved even further how perfect you are by giving me the best answer to how I deserve you to forgive me for being crappy to you in the past. You said "I don't need a rhyme or a reason, I love you and I care about you more than anything- I did before, I do, and I will." Finally, I told you back how I was feeling, that I love you too.

And that day I got my beautiful roses too- first time I have ever gotten flowers just because.

You told me you would fix my nightmares, and I give you all the credit now- I may still have those nightmares every once in a while, but they don't scare me anymore.

I love you more and more each day- September 6th was definantly only the beginning of me telling you that.

Always, Always

Monday, February 18, 2013

A day to remember

October 17, 2012

August 31, 2012- that is a day to remember. You scared me to death! You told me "here's the hard part though and I'm not really sure how to say it." I had all kinds of crazy things going through my mind. Thought it was some kind of bad news especially when I asked if I wanted to know and you simply said "maybe."

 August 31, the day you asked me on a fancy date :) Did you think I would say NO?? I was so very happy to see that that was what you wanted to tell me; I'm sure I had a big ol goofy grin at the computer screen- and in my mind I jumped for joy.

I'm ready for that fancy date now, but according to my counting, there is still about 207 days till you come home. Those are a lot of days. Well, I guess at least I can learn a little patience out of all this.

I think about you everyday and miss you too even though we talk everyday through messages. I can't wait to see you, maybe I can write in this blog for you so that you can have a piece of me while you are there.

I have it all planned out for when I see you in the airport- the first time I'll see you in person in a very long time- I'll touch your face, then hug, then kiss- along with lots of smiling and maybe even some tears in my eyes too. Then, I'm hoping you will say some sweet words, and we can go home happily ever after <3

A girl can dream right?

Always, Always

It's a start

October 16, 2012

I think for the first little while in here I'll be going back in time; maybe someday I'll catch up to the day it really is. I am writing this blog for you and me, in hopes to fill it with our life together. Did you know that you make my heart melt? Ah, just checking.

So, August 25, 2012- that is the day we started talking on facebook back and forth. I saw that your name was on my chat list-that lovely green dot appeared- and it had been a while since we talked. I needed a friend, a good friend like you to talk to. I think it was perfect timing; you actually talked back. You told me to "come move to Norway with me where it's cold all year, but the view is breathtaking." Had you really meant it, that you were leaving that day, I would have packed up and left with you then. Maybe one day we can end up there together, but honestly anywhere with you would be amazing.

I think, since that day (August 25), we have talked pretty much everyday. It's weird sometimes- thinking how one person can change my life so much and this is just the beginning. I don't know if I told you, but I think pretty much after the first day talking to you again, I already had it made up in my mind that you were the guy I wanted, the perfect one.

Always, Always