February 2, 2013
It has been a very long time since I have written in here- I have either been busy with school or just didn't have anything I wanted to write about.
It seems like things have been a battle between us- like we both have a lot going on and are stressed, but also our communication has been hard. We have been fighting and it has really hurt sometimes- what makes it so bad is you are so far and we can't see each other. I imagine/hope things would either be worked out quicker or we would not even get into half of the arguments that we do if we were together.
May can't get here soon enough
Today started off as one of our disagreements about facebook- even though you started off my facebook postings as being a "punishment" at least you did do them and well I think it made us better.
You showed me that you do feel and think some of the ways that I do and maybe it helped you think more about taking me for granted and that you should show me more that you love me.
It's hard being away because instead of being able to show me with hugs and kisses and what not, you have to show me with words- I think that is hard for both of us...especially you.
For me it's remembering that you love me whether you say something nice to me or not each day and for you it's thinking that I will remember like you do and that I'll always be fine without sweet words.
Like you said on facebook "Something so small can affect your day to no end"- words from you affect my day very much
- a good morning from you helps me wake up and want to get out of bed
- a good night helps me end my day on a good note thinking of you and imagining the day you are here to cuddle with me as we fall asleep
- and a I love you fills my heart and soul with an emotion that can not be described except for that it is a love and happiness that you give me
Always, Always
Tuesday, April 23, 2013
that is all
January 8, 2013
Today was my orientation for my last semester of nursing school- as I looked at the calendar, I smiled because I know that that is all that is keeping you away from me.
Just four months to go, and I know they will fly by quick and you will finally be here by my side. Just 56 days of school and then I graduate and then my present, the best present, arrives.
Alot of times I have the words to express how much you mean to me, but I know that day I won't- I'll be too emotional to come up with words. I'll feel too much to be able to talk.
I'm sure there will be tears, smiles, hugs, kisses, and laughter.
Its a dream I dream very often, well day dream at least. It is a day that I wish days away to be at now. I love you Todd with all my heart and I always will.
Always, Always
Today was my orientation for my last semester of nursing school- as I looked at the calendar, I smiled because I know that that is all that is keeping you away from me.
Just four months to go, and I know they will fly by quick and you will finally be here by my side. Just 56 days of school and then I graduate and then my present, the best present, arrives.
Alot of times I have the words to express how much you mean to me, but I know that day I won't- I'll be too emotional to come up with words. I'll feel too much to be able to talk.
I'm sure there will be tears, smiles, hugs, kisses, and laughter.
Its a dream I dream very often, well day dream at least. It is a day that I wish days away to be at now. I love you Todd with all my heart and I always will.
Always, Always
Monday, March 25, 2013
imagination and reality
January 4, 2013
Love's Coming by: Ella Wheeler Wilcox
She had looked for his coming as warriors come,
with the clash of arms and the bugle's call;
But he came instead with as stealthy tread,
Which she did not hear at all
She had thought how his armor would blaze in the sun,
As he rode like a prince to claim his bride:
In the sweet dim light of the falling night
She found him at her side.
She had dreamed how the gaze of his strange, bold eye
Would wake her heart to a sudden glow:
She found in his face the familiar grace
Of a friend she used to know.
She had dreamed how his coming would stir her soul,
As the ocean is stirred by the wild storm's strife:
He brought her the balm of a heavenly calm,
And a peace which crowned her life.
***********************************************************************************
I was looking at blogs like I usually do each day- one had a poem on it ( a love poem), so I read it and it made me want to read more love poems. I googled some and came across this one.
I thought of you and thought it was perfect. I am very glad you liked it too. To me, it is how we imagine what it will be like to meet "the one" and usually it is not at all what we imagine.
You came as a surprise to me- I didn't know if you would want to even talk to me when I messaged you on facebook- then even more of a surprise when you asked me on a date (finally) and well look at us now.
Then you did come at night- to me night meaning a sad time- a time when I really needed you and there you were making me smile again, bigger than ever even.
And of course you were always a friend of mine and a familiar face- right under my nose the whole time.
I know I get mad at you and fight with you, but that is in any relationship- so it may not always seem like you have brought a calm and peace to my life but you really have; you have and will give me the life I have always dreamed of- a wonderful man to love and to love me back, a family one day, a marriage that lasts a lifetime, a person I can trust and don't have to worry about hurting me with their lack of heart ( because you have one of the biggest ones I've seen in a man besides my daddy and my pawpaw) and I'm sure much more.
I hope to give you everything you dream of
Always, Always
ps. This is one of my favorite entries, and I was hoping to get to it before you go off to Korea. I absolutely love this poem.
Love's Coming by: Ella Wheeler Wilcox
She had looked for his coming as warriors come,
with the clash of arms and the bugle's call;
But he came instead with as stealthy tread,
Which she did not hear at all
She had thought how his armor would blaze in the sun,
As he rode like a prince to claim his bride:
In the sweet dim light of the falling night
She found him at her side.
She had dreamed how the gaze of his strange, bold eye
Would wake her heart to a sudden glow:
She found in his face the familiar grace
Of a friend she used to know.
She had dreamed how his coming would stir her soul,
As the ocean is stirred by the wild storm's strife:
He brought her the balm of a heavenly calm,
And a peace which crowned her life.
***********************************************************************************
I was looking at blogs like I usually do each day- one had a poem on it ( a love poem), so I read it and it made me want to read more love poems. I googled some and came across this one.
I thought of you and thought it was perfect. I am very glad you liked it too. To me, it is how we imagine what it will be like to meet "the one" and usually it is not at all what we imagine.
You came as a surprise to me- I didn't know if you would want to even talk to me when I messaged you on facebook- then even more of a surprise when you asked me on a date (finally) and well look at us now.
Then you did come at night- to me night meaning a sad time- a time when I really needed you and there you were making me smile again, bigger than ever even.
And of course you were always a friend of mine and a familiar face- right under my nose the whole time.
I know I get mad at you and fight with you, but that is in any relationship- so it may not always seem like you have brought a calm and peace to my life but you really have; you have and will give me the life I have always dreamed of- a wonderful man to love and to love me back, a family one day, a marriage that lasts a lifetime, a person I can trust and don't have to worry about hurting me with their lack of heart ( because you have one of the biggest ones I've seen in a man besides my daddy and my pawpaw) and I'm sure much more.
I hope to give you everything you dream of
Always, Always
ps. This is one of my favorite entries, and I was hoping to get to it before you go off to Korea. I absolutely love this poem.
I live you
January 2, 2013
I know I sent this to you in a message because you asked for something sweet, but I was thinking of writing about it in here first.
Almost every time I type "I love you" in my phone to you, it types "I live you" instead- both are true. I do of course love you very much, but as weird as it may sound I live you as well. Meaning that I think of you all the time- I wake up and wonder how you are or if you have messaged me.
And back during school, you helped me wake up in the morning because I would get excited to talk to you since you would be off work and still awake. (Now Bjorn wakes me because he will need to go outside).
When I sleep, I hope for sweet dreams about you, and I think of the day when you will be sleeping next to me holding me in your arms.
I want nothing more to live with you in person and not just live you.
Always, Always
I know I sent this to you in a message because you asked for something sweet, but I was thinking of writing about it in here first.
Almost every time I type "I love you" in my phone to you, it types "I live you" instead- both are true. I do of course love you very much, but as weird as it may sound I live you as well. Meaning that I think of you all the time- I wake up and wonder how you are or if you have messaged me.
And back during school, you helped me wake up in the morning because I would get excited to talk to you since you would be off work and still awake. (Now Bjorn wakes me because he will need to go outside).
When I sleep, I hope for sweet dreams about you, and I think of the day when you will be sleeping next to me holding me in your arms.
I want nothing more to live with you in person and not just live you.
Always, Always
Tuesday, March 19, 2013
dummy
December 28, 2012
Todd, I don't think you know how much you have helped me, how much you have changed my life.
After Stuart and I split, I thought that was the end of me. I thought why am I going to school; what is the point now? I thought I would never be happy again. I thought no one would ever love me, and I would never love anyone either- that there was no such thing as being happy forever with someone.
But you- you have changed all of that. You give me hope, you have made me love again. But you were always there- the guy I should have been with, but was too dumb to realize it until after I was married to the wrong guy.
Stuart never really loved me, but you always did. Honestly, Todd, I always loved you too; I just never admitted it or told you I did.
P.S. I was a dummy
Always, Always
Todd, I don't think you know how much you have helped me, how much you have changed my life.
After Stuart and I split, I thought that was the end of me. I thought why am I going to school; what is the point now? I thought I would never be happy again. I thought no one would ever love me, and I would never love anyone either- that there was no such thing as being happy forever with someone.
But you- you have changed all of that. You give me hope, you have made me love again. But you were always there- the guy I should have been with, but was too dumb to realize it until after I was married to the wrong guy.
Stuart never really loved me, but you always did. Honestly, Todd, I always loved you too; I just never admitted it or told you I did.
P.S. I was a dummy
Always, Always
after christmas
December 27, 2012
Well now Christmas is over, and I am back home. I am ready for us to spend Christmas together; I am sure you are too. I am thankful that we did get to skype alot though.
I am so happy when I get to talk to you- I know sometimes I don't show it enough especially when I am fighting with you about you not talking to me enough. I am sorry that I give you a hard time about that- I am an attention seeker (and giver).
You have really been trying hard these past few days to talk more, and I appreciate it more than you know. It makes me feel loved, but also it helps us to get to know each other even more. I like learning new things about you- it makes me love you more and more.
I know Christmas is not about the presents, it's about getting to spend time with the people you love- I got to spend time with some of the people I love, but something was missing- I wasn't as happy as I usually would be during the holidays. I don't really know why that was, but I do know for sure you were what was missing.
When I opened my present from you (my heart necklace), I liked it very much- but when you told me that you got it because it's your birthstone and so I could carry you with me, it became even more important to me because it had more meaning than any present I have gotten ever.
I don't expect or want anyone to spend alot of money on me for a gift, but I just want something thoughtful- something that means something special.
And that is why I am writing this for you- for you to have somethign special from me. The pictures that I put in the frame I got you for Christmas are somewhat special. I see that picture of me and you, that you framed for me as a present, sitting on my desk all the time, and I think of you. Now you can see what I see except you got a few more pictures added in there too.
Only 132 days till I can be the happiest girl in the world.
Always, Always
Well now Christmas is over, and I am back home. I am ready for us to spend Christmas together; I am sure you are too. I am thankful that we did get to skype alot though.
I am so happy when I get to talk to you- I know sometimes I don't show it enough especially when I am fighting with you about you not talking to me enough. I am sorry that I give you a hard time about that- I am an attention seeker (and giver).
You have really been trying hard these past few days to talk more, and I appreciate it more than you know. It makes me feel loved, but also it helps us to get to know each other even more. I like learning new things about you- it makes me love you more and more.
I know Christmas is not about the presents, it's about getting to spend time with the people you love- I got to spend time with some of the people I love, but something was missing- I wasn't as happy as I usually would be during the holidays. I don't really know why that was, but I do know for sure you were what was missing.
When I opened my present from you (my heart necklace), I liked it very much- but when you told me that you got it because it's your birthstone and so I could carry you with me, it became even more important to me because it had more meaning than any present I have gotten ever.
I don't expect or want anyone to spend alot of money on me for a gift, but I just want something thoughtful- something that means something special.
And that is why I am writing this for you- for you to have somethign special from me. The pictures that I put in the frame I got you for Christmas are somewhat special. I see that picture of me and you, that you framed for me as a present, sitting on my desk all the time, and I think of you. Now you can see what I see except you got a few more pictures added in there too.
Only 132 days till I can be the happiest girl in the world.
Always, Always
Monday, March 18, 2013
be happy
December 21, 2012
Today I am worrying about you- you said you are going to seek help for depression- I want so much to make you completely happy with life, to take away all the sadness. If I could carry it for you, I would.
But since I can't, the only thing I can do is be here for you. I will always be here for you, Todd, whatever it is. You said you wanted me to love you and not get mad.
Well, I fall in love with you more and more each day and then am surprised that that is possible- to love you more than I already do.
And as for being mad- I am working on not getting mad especially for little things and especially while you are there and not here in person. I need to learn the right way to get mad about something and learn to let go of things.
I never want to become the naggy girlfriend or one day wife. I want to be someone you are proud of, someone that you only can say good things about.
I hope that counseling helps you work through some of the things that are bothering you so that you can feel better. I know that having someone to listen without judgement/bias and come up with suggestions of ways to help yourself feel better has helped me in the past- I just want you to be happy.
Always, Always
Today I am worrying about you- you said you are going to seek help for depression- I want so much to make you completely happy with life, to take away all the sadness. If I could carry it for you, I would.
But since I can't, the only thing I can do is be here for you. I will always be here for you, Todd, whatever it is. You said you wanted me to love you and not get mad.
Well, I fall in love with you more and more each day and then am surprised that that is possible- to love you more than I already do.
And as for being mad- I am working on not getting mad especially for little things and especially while you are there and not here in person. I need to learn the right way to get mad about something and learn to let go of things.
I never want to become the naggy girlfriend or one day wife. I want to be someone you are proud of, someone that you only can say good things about.
I hope that counseling helps you work through some of the things that are bothering you so that you can feel better. I know that having someone to listen without judgement/bias and come up with suggestions of ways to help yourself feel better has helped me in the past- I just want you to be happy.
Always, Always
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)